The spread of COVID-19 is more than a health crisis. It has heightened some of humanity’s less desirable traits as well, including fear, selfishness, and exclusion. But it didn’t just bring out the worst part of ourselves, there have been plenty of opportunities for us humans to realize our innate goodness.
My journey isn’t all that different than many other people across the globe. I too journeyed through the realms of selfishness. But I also found compassion, and it was through compassion that I found life-giving hope.
Let me tell you my story. It was January of 2020 in Pakistan — the coldest month. My uncle’s name is Sarfraz. He is 63 years old and was diagnosed with lung cancer. The doctors at Shaukat Khanum Memorial Cancer hospital had recommended going through some initial tests and treatment.
But first, you need to know a little more about my uncle. He comes from a remote village in Faisalabad and his children could not afford accompanying him to Lahore. Traveling with their father would have disrupted their work as rickshaw drivers, often only earning enough each day to feed their families.
So I decided to volunteer and accompanied him to the hospital. Sarfraz went through a battery of tests, and afterward, chemotherapy and radiotherapy. At first, it seemed that he had recovered. He was happy that he made it through the treatment and would not have to visit the hospital as frequently. He went back to his village and life, and, for a moment, everything returned to normal.
Soon after my uncle returned home, COVID-19 started making headlines. It had turned from a virus in Wuhan, China, into a pandemic. Life came to a standstill with strict lockdown measures taken by the provincial governments.
The federal government kept on denying the severity of the crisis. Even so, the provincial governments implemented strict lockdown measures. During the lockdown, I had confined myself to home and would not go out at all. As the eldest son in the family, I took charge of implementing my own crafted rules on my younger brothers. Life had become tough. I had lived away from my family for the past ten years, so adjusting to family life was proving to be a difficult task.
My father was also suffering from a weak shoulder — the effect of worsening diabetes. He asked me to accompany him to the hospital. The request sent shivers down my spine. I thought it would mean bringing the virus home, for visiting a state-run, overcrowded hospital certainly would put us at risk. Nevertheless, my father’s health was deteriorating, so I made the decision to accompany him to the hospital.
When he came out of the doctor’s room, he was in agonizing pain. It was a moment of revelation; I didn’t know what had taken hold of my heart. When had I become so selfish and obsessed with my own health that my father’s pain mattered less to me?
Seeing him in pain was the catalyst, a wake-up call. I felt relieved while traveling home that I had accompanied my father. Until now, my health was a top priority. This was a moment of transformation…though not entirely. I still had much to learn about patience and selflessness.
The next day my uncle arrived at our home. He was back for more treatments, and I was to accompany him to the hospital. By now it was almost summer. Summers in this part of the world are almost unbearable. The heat, the virus, and the sacrifices; it made me feel selfish.
I grumbled and would not talk to anyone when I came back from the hospital. I chose to sleep so my frustration with the hospital visits would not be obvious. It was during the middle of my uncle’s radiotherapy when I searched my heart again. I was sitting alone in the waiting area when I realized so far I had not been impacted by the virus.
I began a constant dialogue with myself. I questioned my love for my father and what it would mean to lose him. I related this paternal love with my uncle’s children’s love for their father. Their father also mattered to them just as mine did to me. When my uncle returned from the treatment room, I felt much happier. This selflessness, the simple act of helping had brought me joy. Life mattered; to me, to my father, and to my uncle.
This experience transformed me. The journey of reflection with my thoughts, feelings, and actions took me from a health-obsessed, selfish person to a person who cherished helping others. Although the fear of disease, pain, and death still gripped my heart, it was the innate compassion and love that transformed me to be a better person.
Life in Pakistan still remains the same, with an overwhelmed health care system and people still getting sick. But the country has gained a better person. I traveled through the realms of selfishness to find at the end of the labyrinth, a world of compassion.
