I like to think I know myself. But living through a pandemic has a way of forcing yourself to look inward, to examine the things I thought I knew. Maybe I don’t really know anything about myself. The days of COVID-19 have made me feel like sometimes I’m meeting myself for the first time.
Here are some things the pandemic has taught me about me.
1. Boring is a luxury
The pandemic has made it clearer that I don’t have my life figured out at all. I’ve worn the same black tee for days, and I can’t find the motivation to do laundry.
I make a list of things I should do but end up spending the whole day with my phone. Each day seems like a more boring version of the previous. There are so many hours and nothing to do. But the truth is, this carefreeness is a luxury.
2. I don’t look like Beyoncé
I’ve worn my hair the same way for days, flying out wildly from all sides. I look like I’m going through a bad breakup or took a sleeping pill. I’ve been chatting with Cutedave on Instagram for almost a week and he’s upset I won’t pick his video call. Maybe it’s because I think he’s expecting someone who looks like Beyoncé.
3. My family isn’t that bad
During this pandemic, I’ve spent more time with my family than I have in a long while. My siblings are all about their phones, and they can barely give you their attention for more than 10 minutes.
Forgot to do the dishes or clean? Don’t worry. My parents will remind me. And by remind, I mean raising their voices. I’ve wished them away more times than I can count. But they really aren’t that bad.
On days we manage to put our phones away and bond, it’s so beautiful. My mum throws back her head when she laughs and pokes at the ribs of the unfortunate person sitting closest. My dad keeps a straight face when he tries not to laugh, but we can tell he’s struggling. It’s these little moments when it hits me; I’m luckier than I deserve.
4. I’m my biggest company
During the pandemic, I’ve had to keep myself company. I shuffle from the couch to the bed and from my phone to my laptop to the television. I’ve learned to be alone. There’s no work to go to or friends to meet. But it has made it clear that I can rely on myself. It’s important to find comfort and joy in your own company.
5. I take so much for granted
Before the pandemic, I could go anywhere at any time. We all could. I’d take the bus and it would be full of strangers going about their days. I’d enjoy cheap roadside food whenever I wanted. When I felt like I was working too hard, I’d go to the fancy ice cream place near my home to reward myself with a nice treat.
I took that freedom for granted. And during this pandemic, I’ve realized that the things we think we know can change in an instant. It’s easy to forget that.
When this pandemic is over, I’m going to stand in front of a mirror. I’m going to reach out to handshake and greet myself. It will be a proper introduction. COVID-19 helped me meet myself for the first time.
